


" Show sensibility, Thomas "

by NotIshimaru



Category: 18th Century CE RPF
Genre: 18th Century, Angst, Broken Friendships, Guilt, M/M, Self-Reflection, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 21:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotIshimaru/pseuds/NotIshimaru
Summary: James Madison reflects on Alexander Hamilton's life. When he introduced him and Jefferson in the early 1780s, and how from then-on, he doomed his old friend.James and Thomas are in a grey area of their partnership. The lines between friends and lovers extremely blurred.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & James Madison, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Kudos: 4





	" Show sensibility, Thomas "

Penn. State House: December 11th, 1782

I could remember those words spill from my lips.

I looked to the right of myself, staring up into my friend's grey eyes. He appeared flushed from my sternness, not used to the dynamic I had been pushing onto him. It seems as if Mr. Jefferson isn't used to someone as calm, yet study as I. He was always one to associate with sensible people, yet struggled to show that same affection.

"James, I will not have my personality smothered when I meet the new delegate. You know this." Thomas tapped his pencil on the table, getting progressively faster until it made a drumming sound. If we were not in the midst of a war, I feel as though the drumming would be pleasant. Instead, the beat is rattling and sends a shudder down my back. 

I took Thomas' pencil from his hand and put it down, just so he would cease with the blasted noise. The rumble of other delegates was enough for me, it was a downtrodden congregation of politics and unfamiliar faces. The only familiarities were in Thomas and other Virginian representatives. 

.. I'm not being fully truthful, am I? No. I have found some candour and kinship with another new member. He'd only been here for a month, and he was the reason both Thomas and I were on such high edge. Fresh from the war, highly regarded by George Washington, and representing the jarringly commercial north.

"Mr. Hamilton won't take kindly to our snideness, sir. Save the humour, please." I aimed to set a precedent to how Thomas and Alexander should meet. I was not going to have this first meeting become sour because of Thomas' lack of filtre, or rather his continued irreparable attitude. He was still wracked with grief from a few months prior. From the loss of Martha.

It was a lot to ask of my friend, as I now recollect. 

I expect Thomas to still be on his best behaviour, despite any personal troubles that could halt him. I hadn't dragged him from his boarding home out to the Confederation Congress for nothing, anyway. I watched as he nodded curtly, then tore his eyes away from mine and out the window. 

The seat Thomas was sat at was the same one he'd been in some years back, when this war for independence started. From the back of the room, there were long tables draped with green cloth. Our seat, Thomas and I, was off to the right and in the back. We're practically the north-most southern state. 

I sighed, resigning any more comments on how Thomas was to carry himself. I was not his superior at all, nor was I his inferior. Despite being equals, I was not fully right to continuously criticize him. More men filed into the hall, taking seats and tapping their canes on the floor to amass some attention.

My eyes gazed over the scene, peeking forward at the sum-30 delegates that showed up. I heard murmuring about finances and funding, revenue, taxes. That was the hot-button topic of the time and something that I knew Thomas would be eager to slap some idealistic solution onto. I could feel the dread creep into my stomach at the possibility of Alexander clashing with Thomas on their first meeting. 

Speaking of, Alexander Hamilton was quite late in comparison to his usual early appearances. Minutes passed so slowly next to Thomas, as we were in silent agreement not to begin our usual gossiping. It was painful to be so quiet, for once, as the time would certainly pass much quicker if Thomas and I were able to talk freely. 

\---------

Eventually, the voices in the hall began to ring a congruent name. One resounding voice coming from the old, yet admittedly distractingly handsome, Patrick Henry. The pseudo-roman man had clapped his hands at the entrance of Mr. Alexander Hamilton. Alexander laughed at the remarkable attention, but he would soon come to learn it was not positive.

"I didn't know our confederation also accepted monarchists! Truly, we learn something new each day." Patrick chortled with sadistic amusement, knowing his presence was commanding and unable to be challenged. Even with his age and lack of practical education in law, save for Pendleton's examinations, he was somehow overly worthy of an opponent. 

My, am I relieved that Patrick was not targeting me presently. However, if my intuition was correct, I feel as though my friendship with Alexander would give Patrick room to begin to attack me. I shrugged at the realization, glancing back at Thomas for a moment. He was completely distracted from his window-gazing and also watching Patrick and Alexander.

"Would you like to save Alexander from Mr. Henry, dear sir?" I asked Thomas, whose eyes squinted at the two loud men. They weren't in the midst of an argument, yet, but they both had begun to raise their voices and spitefully spit jokes at one another. The scene was consequentially silencing some delegation's tables. 

Thomas nodded slowly, showing apprehension in being in front of Patrick again. From what he's told me, the two have known each other for some time, back from when Patrick was a keeper of a tavern and mainly cleaned tables. They had gotten along at some point, but their personalities clashed badly. If I knew Patrick better, I could guarantee that him and I would end up as mortal enemies. 

And it was true, he would prove to be the Alexander to my Thomas. 

I stood with Thomas, brushing my hands down the front of my waistcoat. Despite the cold, I chose to dress simply. As did Thomas, most probably to push the modest farmer narrative to Alexander. As we approached Patrick, clad in his aggressive red, I noticed that Alexander's outfit was much nicer than expected of someone who came from war. He wore a purple vest, one with gaudy stitches, but still airy and athletic. 

Patrick looked both Thomas and I up and down, huffing in amusement at our duo. He didn't pay too much attention to our new partnership, and admittedly, I would be optimistic in calling it a partnership. But now he could clearly see where Thomas stood, and how it was not on his side. Plus, our influence on other delegates was bitter in Patrick's eyes. 

Alexander turned his head, looking up at Thomas with a sudden loss of words. He didn't seem to notice the celebrity-amongst-men in the room until he was right in front of him. I decided to jump on this sudden interest, hoping to prolong the conversation. 

"Mr. Henry, sir. I am here to introduce Mr. Jefferson to Hamilton, might I–?" I left the question open-ended, so Patrick could fill it in himself. It wouldn't be cordial to blatantly ask Patrick to leave, so being passive in my wants would be the correct way of pursuing interests. 

Patrick pursed his lips, then begrudgingly showed me respect in bowing himself out of the social circle. Although, he didn't do so without subtly shoving my side on the way out, as a means to tell me to know my place. He was an enigma, so self-centred. With Patrick retreating to the Virginian delegation's table, I was now present for Thomas and Alexander's first words to one another.

Alexander outstretched a hand for Thomas to grab, while Thomas resorted to a courteous slight bow. This left Alexander with a hand aimless in the air and Thomas flushed in embarrassment, as they both greeted each other in a different way. Thomas took Alexander's hand awkwardly, shaking it, then pulling back quickly. 

"Apologies, my hands seem to be perpetually chilled." Thomas stuffed the hand that shook Alexander's into his pocket, and I watched the subtle movement under the fabric of him wiping it off. Despite the niceties, he was clearly not ready to introduce himself to a new person. Especially one that radiated such confidence.

"Worry not! Haha, quickly, my expectations were dropped of you. Now you're free of the pressure." Alexander smiled knowingly, bringing a hand to his hair and puffing it. He had a big mouth and less of a filtre than Thomas, hence why I advised Thomas to keep his trap shut. This would be harder than expected.

Thomas glanced down at me expectantly, as to go and scold Alexander. I sighed at his expression, reading him very well. Without words, he was able to express his desperation to smother this loudmouth. 

"If you continue speaking in that manner, Alexander, Thomas will dually lose faith." I warned, letting my voice dip to convey the threat of my words. Smoothly, I raised my voice back to a soft and passive tone for the conversation. 

"You're aware of Thomas, the signer of the Declaration. But Thomas only knows what I've told him of you." I urged Alexander to introduce himself properly. Alexander squared himself up and plastered a grin. 

"Thomas did not seem to be impressed with Alexander's motions, staring down at the other man with an explicitly blank expression. It was hard enough attempting to get Thomas to put on a face for someone, but twice as hard to put up an act when in the presence of someone so keen to bloviate. 

"My name is Alexander Hamilton. I am filled with positive anxieties being here, and am working for the centralization of finance." Alexander bowed in the way that Thomas had done before, then stepping back and looking up at him. He was so straight-forward in this introduction, his confidence was genuinely intoxicating. I laughed and added on.

"Alexander and I have been working together for a month, now. He's a little reluctant to compromise, though, be warned." I joked as a means to ease the tension between Alexander's jagged smugness and Thomas' dwindling patience. Thomas nodded at me and put both hands in his pockets, now. 

Their appearances, even, showed their difference. While Alexander was upfront with his plans and bright, his dress and hair expressed that same boldness. Red, vibrant hair bunched in a tie and royal colours clothed him. Thomas, rather, was subdued and subtle in his comments and actions. Sandier hair and more plain clothes showed the crushing of his ego in Alexander's presence. 

For once, his grey eyes went green in envy. 

"Well, Mr. Hamilton, I hope that yours and James' friendship benefits us in the south as well. Not just your own personal inflation of the self." Thomas eloquently spoke, masking his jealousy of our interpersonal bond and cooperation with his interest of Virginia's economy. Something he knew Alexander could help in. 

If there was something that Thomas valued over our friendship, I feel as though it would be Virginia's health. He'd let me die to have Virginia free, I'd imagine. Alexander kept the grin on his face from faltering as he listened to Thomas' condescending words. Despite my discontent with his behaviour.. 

I stood by Thomas with loyalty. 

I sit by Thomas with loyalty. 

\--------

Executive Mansion: October 23rd, 1807

Now, reflecting on that situation, the seeds of both Thomas and Alexander's fates were planted. As Alexander presented himself and Thomas withdrew, a clear schism had been made. One that I would not notice until the year seventeen hundred and eighty-nine, when I defected from federalism. 

I sat back in the sofa I had crashed onto. Thomas had been very needy of my assistance, and after being trapped in Philadelphia for two months, I had finally found myself with him again. Even though I was taking rest with Thomas, Dolley had not accompanied me, as she usually did. She, ironically, was the one too sick to make the journey with me.

"Oh, James, you appear so dazed. What is spiralling, now?" Thomas asked, walking in through the doorway with a glass of wine in hand. He walked forward, wearing slippers and a nightgown. I sighed and ran a hand down my face.

"Accumulating guilt." I simply said, laid back into the sofa completely. There was an amount of guilt that wracked on my shoulders from letting Thomas and Alexander feud for so long, and have their politics consume them. And now, Alexander was gone and his life had been taken by a man equally as corrupted politically.

The worst is that I have begun to resonate with Alexander's ideas, but only after he passed. With Thomas' involvement in Barbary and sloppy handling of economy, Alexander's ideas make sense. It is impossible to tell Thomas this, so I sit here feeling a familiar dread brew.

"James, dear." Thomas sighed, attempting to feign empathy for my distress.  
"You are in a good place. No reason should you feel guilt, at least in that." Thomas sat on a chair close to me, loose in his mannerisms, but not enough that he'd spill his wine. He drank from the glass slowly, examining my reaction.

My guilt was from Thomas. How readily I helped him get his way, how much I had stood by him when he was stalling the nation's progress. And now I am in the best position, with him taking continuous interest in me. I am planned to be the president.

And yet, all of that accomplishment buries me in guilt. 

I churned internally, feeling a horribly uneasiness fill my body. It was like the blood of a thousand crimes had been spilt onto my hands with these revelations, these inspections on my behaviour. How was I to be so cocky in the past with Thomas when I was the one enabling him? 

"You don't seem to be in the best headspace. What bothers you so?" Thomas asked as I held my tongue from answering his orignal question. I continued to think, unable to stop the intrusion of thoughts and the painting of my moral character into a darker grey.

If I had challenged Thomas more, would Alexander have felt some change of heart? And show loyalty to me? Was there a way to avoid his untimely death, or rather an alternate pathway that I could've taken to change destiny? 

I refrain from answering and instead stand up. With a heavy ball of regret and uncertainty in my stomach, I shifted to my papers on a counter, shuffling them to find a blank piece of parchment. 

"I'm going to write to Dolley. I should be more consistent in checking in on her health." I did not address the real dilemma I felt. Thomas watched as I left the room, I could not confirm this, but I felt his eyes on my back in my escape.

And I did write, that was no lie. 

I wrote not to Dolley, but to Alexander. 

An apology. 

Memories of him plague my mind.

In my memories,

I should've been loyal to you,

Alexander.


End file.
